Virginia Frutos, psychologist: "One of the hardest things is realizing that our parents are getting older."

Childhood and adolescence are times in the life (and mental health) of any person when clear and solid role models are needed . In most cases, parents are the cornerstone for shaping personality, gaining confidence, and moving forward in life. However, there comes a time when this process reverses, and it is the parents who begin to need help.

When we notice that our parents are becoming less independent and require our help to resolve seemingly simple daily issues, that's when we truly realize that the time has come to be caregivers , each according to their circumstances and capabilities. This is where a difficult-to-understand phenomenon occurs, according to a psychologist.

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Seeing Parents Grow Older: Between Sadness and Anger

Psychologist, educator, and wellness expert Virginia Frutos has published a video on TikTok in which she analyzes this specific moment, which relates to something as completely natural as aging.

According to the expert, this is one of the most complicated moments in our lives. "One of the hardest processes to accept is realizing that our parents are aging, that those pillars that were once independent now need us , that they're starting to lose their memory, that they're starting to depend on us to get somewhere..."

This circumstance "leads us as children to move between different emotions, more specifically between sadness and anger." When we discover that our parents are getting older and need us, a certain feeling of self-guilt arises, wondering if we will know how to do it well, if we are giving enough as children.

"No one teaches us to be good children"

Frutos continues to argue why this is such a delicate moment. On the one hand, we will feel profound sadness "for this loss of independence from our parents , from those who were our caregivers."

As for anger, it appears when we become fully aware that life passes (for everyone). It also shows the feeling of seeing ourselves in that moment, in that role. "Don't blame yourself because no one teaches us how to be children , no one teaches us how to care for those who were our caregivers. And I know it's not easy, but there you are, you're doing well," the expert encourages her followers.

The limiting lessons we have learned since we were children

But, in addition, the psychologist, having reached this point, also speaks of the weight of a series of limiting beliefs that have always been instilled in us, and which can do even more damage when we see that our parents are no longer as independent and not only can't take care of us, but we have to change roles out of necessity.

From the time we're children, we're taught to hold on, to believe that letting go is giving up, that letting go is losing. Phrases like " better the devil you know than the devil you don't" stick with us, and without realizing it, we learn to hold on even to what hurts, simply out of fear of the unknown or losing what we have.

Believing that something that gives us a certain security, even if it's inconvenient, 'isn't so bad' is a mistake, according to the expert. " We maintain friendships that no longer nourish us , out of loyalty to what once was." The same happens with family relationships , "where we allow boundaries to be crossed only because we've been taught that family comes first, sustaining roles, carrying guilt, and carrying expectations that no longer truly represent us."